My Scariest Memory

Child labor laws have come far in the past decades– just not to middle schools.

Every year, in October, we would each get a 10 ton box of chocolates and be thrust into the autumn cold to proposition strangers. And, most of the time, it was just as strange as that sentence sounded.

We could complain, but no one ever dared to stand up and say “no”, because when it came to fundraising, chocolates were king and we were their human foot stools. Really, it was simple economics– supply and demand– they demanded we sell sell sell, and we supplied.

One dreary afternoon, I set off on my daily chocolate-run. Dark chocolate was always the last to sell and I found that with every door I knocked on I was becoming just as bitter as it’s detested taste. However, in those much simpler times, I was strangely optimistic. That day hadn’t been a particularly bad day and I was proud of myself for that, so I walked with an extra jump in my step, loonies jingling in the paper envelope I carried to collect funds. Little did my naïve, twelve-year-old self know that in but a few moments I would see my life flash before my very eyes.

Five houses from the end of the street. Four houses. Three. Two. One.

Turn.

The rottweiler looked me straight in the eyes, and kind of nodded, as if saying, “Yeah, that’s right, I’m gonna kill you.”

And I couldn’t look away. I just slowly lowered the 10 ton box to the pavement and started walking backwards, as it stepped forward. The earlier optimism draining away like the color from my skin. I paled. I knew in that moment that I was dog food, so I shut my eyes and ran. Waiting to be devoured, for the snarling at my hind legs, for the nipping at my heels, for the slobber of salient teeth, for the tearing of flesh.

But it never came.

Instead, all I heard was a resounding clink. The sound of a strained metal, a chain taut with exertion, a leash unyielding as it kept the hound at bay. It was the sound of my savior. The lead, in equal parts, restraining the animal as well as tethering me to the realm of the living. The forces of tension running parallel, conglomerated down each chain link to the next, worked together to keep me alive that day.

From then on, I no longer cared about the casual day those who sold the chocolates would receive; although it was a tough decision, I think my life meant more to me.

The Times I Got Lost

Spirit of Life


 

Memories can be petty. When I want to remember they evade me, but when I try my hardest to forget–bam! I remember. My life has been a series of forgotten moments, especially my childhood, but recently, in search of a story that adequately sums up my life, I rediscovered something about myself– my tendency to get lost. Those that know me can attest to my ability to so effortlessly get lost in my thoughts, dilemmas, and anxieties. This quirk stems from a childhood of driving my mother absolutely insane. So, without further ado, I present to you “The Times I Got Lost”.


At the tender age of three, I developed a habit of hiding. I hid in all kinds of places–closets, tubs, cupboards, ovens… you name it. I was a connoisseur of hiding. When my mom would take me shopping with her, clothing racks were my preferred brand of ambiguity, for they provided the perfect opportunity to spectate. The partings in between hanging garments served as shutters as I would peek through each slit as if out a window. In the windows I would see men and women of every caliber. The angular housewife, the meek breadwinner, and the occasional mousy elder. Through the windows I saw every flavor of person, and with every person I quickly refined my palate.

At the age of five, I graduated to bigger and better things; this time I got lost in a different city. Family had come over so, naturally, being the gracious host my mother is, the week had been a nonstop array of landmarks, parks, and restaurants. The agenda for this particular day had been visiting West Edmonton Mall. Back in those days everything seemed grander to my youthful corneas, however, I found this place especially grand.  So, as my family posed for pictures, I separated from the herd, off to explore on my own. But, just as they apply to any cub in the wild, I was no exception to the laws of the animal kingdom. The predators soon descended. Two women, faces masked in the fogs of time and voices gurgled in the oceans of memory, claimed me. I remember walking in between them, each of my hands in one of theirs, craning my neck as I looked up at them and told them I was lost. If my mother hadn’t recognized the abhorrent yellow dress that she had made me wear that day, I probably would have ended up another face on another milk carton; another name on a list. It seems I was predisposed to fade away.

The Expanse of Green

Belize Backroads


 

The rush of cold air as I accelerate through the night is always a welcome relief from the conventionality of suburban life. The open roads are a stark contrast to the narrow walkways of my neighborhood streets. Here I can practically taste the frost that caps the frozen blades of grass, each blade unique, deformed in its own special way, yet still part of the stitching of the expansive green blanket that protects me from the hardness of the earth.

It seems as if the endless expanse of green is the only freedom that this open roads has in common with my suburban lifestyle. A part of my home that I do not absolutely despise. The grass serves as a reminder of the safety of my norm. Of the Sundays on the dusty pews of the neighborhood church, of the Saturdays basking in the heat of the barbeque. Strange, now that I think about it—all I have been doing lately is thinking—the grass was always there. When I was seven and the handles of my shiny new bike shuddered under my grip, the promise of the ground had been so unrelenting, the sky fleeting. But, as I tipped over, to my greatest joy and surprise I was welcomed into the embrace of the expansive green of the blanket that I had overlooked my entire life.

It still makes me wonder what else I have overlooked… Continue reading